Autumn is an absolutely maddening time of year for me. I absolutely love it – I think, it’s probably safe to say its my favourite part of the year; There are SO many things I like about it, in fact I have a few key favourite things;
1 – Fairy lights and candles. Darker evenings? No problem at all, time just to get cosy and chill out.
2 – Big, cosy throws – sod the heating, its the perfect time to pile up under blankets.
3 – A large glass of red wine whilst it rains outside (Side note: this is how I know I’m old because this is approx 1000x more appealing than going out on a Saturday is to me now!)
4 – Knitwear. I’m not a huge fan of my figure anyway but I do love the opportunity autumn presents to throw on a softer-than-butter chunky knit
5 – Nature – crisp blue skies whilst its cold, steam rising lazily off the river, leaves changing….
But it is maddening because it’s also the time of year that my Mental Health takes a nose dive off the Deep End. I can’t tell you how frustrating it is to be in your favourite time of year and yet feel like you’re struggling to perk yourself up!
I recently had the most ridiculous fortnight [Mercury isn’t even in Retrograde yet so as you can imagine I am VERY alarmed as to what that will bring!]. Random bills cropped up, the scaffolding on the house next door hadn’t been put up properly, fell in the garden and broke everything, disastrous date, sick as a dog with a cold (which hampered my new found commitment to exercise!), a hideous week or two of work, and then when I was just about at the end of my tether, I decided to have a long hot shower and to just blast some music and wash the agg of the last few weeks only to have a hideous fall in the shower that left me black and blue, this alongside a heap of other emotional upheaval which I can’t even go into was just THE END OF MY TETHER REACHED.
I went home to my Mum and just sat on the sofa with the dog and had a little (big) cry about it all. I’m usually good at focussing on the big picture (which is something that’s taken me an age to learn how to do) but everything just felt like it was toppling on top of me.
My ‘scheme sister’ (L, who you’ll know from Bali blogs!), arrived back in London, and she hauled me out of my funk and took me on a three hour walk in my beloved season and let me rant through the whole thing from start to finish.
She reminded me that the plans I have are good, that things are going well and that despite some fairly major bumps (physically and mentally!) along the last few weeks, that the simple things can make all a difference; even if its just something as small as a walk and a coffee with a friend.
I don’t really have any answers. Not everything is resolved. But! I had some time in the fresh air, in my favourite season with one of my favourite people, and for just a little while, I felt a little more normal. Sometimes you have to enjoy the little wins; piece by piece you’ll start to feel like you again.
If this time of year is a little bit crappy for you too, then let it wash over you, and remember to take time for the little things that get you feeling a bit more like you… 💓